Maybe it’s because I’m unemployed.

I can’t really define the symptom, I just know the results: My passion for gaming has diminished over the past couple of weeks.  That isn’t to say I’m not having a great time when I do game: I’ve just started playing “Rockstar Games Presents: Table Tennis” and I’m having a blast (Full Review coming soon.) However with the amount of free time I’m left with, I figured my grubby hands wouldn’t leave a controller without prying.

And yet, here we are, a life long gamer feeling as though my gaming just doesn’t seem so important in the grand scheme.  My daily routine use to be simple: Get up, eat, shower, get son ready for school, play with him, take him to school, go to work, work my ass off, come home, eat, play with my son, bathe him, read to him, play some games, snuggle with the wife and go to sleep.

Sixteen little steps thrown into disarray over the loss of only three of them, I finally understand why “Rainman” would freak out when he didn’t watch “The People’s Court” at 4:30pm.

To me, gaming was my reward, a way to sum up the day, get my frustrations out, and perhaps go to a fun, action packed world where I can make a difference in ways I can’t in this one.  Yes it’s egotistical in some respects, masturbatory in others, but it’s the way I roll, and I doubt I’m the only one that games that way.  My point is, that when a gift, a reward is now available for you on demand, it suddenly feels less relevant, or like I haven’t really earned my gaming time.

I’ll give you an example; I finished “Halo 2” on Legendary for the first time.  I’m sure I’ve just lost some gaming cred points over that admission, but I’m not ashamed at all.  I realize it’s been nearly three years since “Halo 2” came out, and that there are people out there who can complete legendary with both hands tied behind their back and their eyes closed.  However, I have never lied about my gaming status; I am a casual gamer who is passionate about it.  So when I finished “Halo 2” a long time ago, I just left it at that, and found no reason to further challenge myself save for the multiplayer part of the game.  

I had become stuck on “Call of Duty 2” because I decided to play the game in Veteran mode right at the start, which is nearly suicidal since I’m in Stalingrad right now, and I have a sniper rifle, and I’ve got more Germans than an Oktoberfest coming at me from every side trying to kill my ass, I was stuck so I decided to try something a little easier.

First I went to “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City” and got stuck on the Tank Mission.  Then I went back to “Jade Empire”, and got stuck on the first battle in the world of the dead.  Finally I hit “Halo 2” and after hours of controller throwing frustration, I managed to eek out the ending with almost no real satisfaction.

That’s when I realized that I lost my passion for gaming.  Because normally that would be a fist pumping “Ho-ya!” moment, and yet I couldn’t get it, I couldn’t bring myself up to that level, I simply crossed it off the checklist of “gaming goals” and moved on.

And that’s the last time I really played.  Oh sure I’ve gotten some downloadable content from Xbox Live, but I haven’t really played at all.  I put Doom 3 into the Xbox 360 just to see it working there, and didn’t really play.  Itself a shame since I haven’t played Doom 3 yet.

I sit quietly, and go through various online applications, send out what I can, make tons of phone calls, and when down time comes, gaming just isn’t on the list.

No, it’s not that the games are too challenging, or not challenging enough, my mind just isn’t in the strategy of gaming right now, and I can’t seem to shake this annoying feeling of mediocrity.  

The last time I had that feeling, I didn’t get another game console till the Xbox.  

I remember this friend of mine coming to me crying because her boyfriend broke up with her, he had told her “It wasn’t you, it’s me.” Which always sounded like a lame way of letting someone down easy.  Now I look at that and wonder if there isn’t something to it, if there isn’t that time in your life where you feel that you need to make various changes in order to really move forward as a human being.

Maybe it’s just as simple as the desire to feel like I earned a reward, it’s hard to say.

When a conundrum hits, I try to analyze it from every angle, as a wanna-be writer, I tend to over analyze, so that’s probably what I’m doing here.  Maybe the games aren’t what they use to be, maybe they are just starting to show their frayed edges because of the additional time on my hands, maybe I’m ready to give gaming a break again and focus on other things.  Maybe I’m just filling time with moderate games waiting on the super-games coming down the pipeline.  

Maybe I’m just a sad man who lost his job and feels worthless because of it.

Gaming was supposed to be my refuge, the place I go when Real Life hits too hard, and now it’s comfort eludes me, and I can’t seem to quell the fear that I’m at that point in my life where I’m ready to lay down the last of my childhood toys and really grow up.

Tim from The Widget Show said something to me today that I was able to take some heart in: He told me that when something like that happens with him, he changes up his game list and plays something old school, or he’ll pull out a platform game (A genre he normally detests.)

It’s good advice.  I may have to pull out something old school to get that “loving feeling” back.

So now that I’ve made you depressed, I’ll let you in on the point of this weeks sword: It’s homework time.

I know I’m not the only one to go through this type of gaming crisis, so I want to hear from everyone that reads my column.  You can either comment below, or you can e-mail me.  Just let me know, how do you keep your passion for gaming from dwindling?

I promise no prizes, but I will discuss some of the best responses I get in next weeks column.

Your turn folks let me know.

Semper Fi!