Attention: Before the lawyers have a field day with this may I remind you:
satire – noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
Thank you for reading. Those under 17 should now stop reading as the adult material version of The Flaming Sword will begin: NOW!
Hi folks, Cooper Hawkes here, mad as hell (which seems to be very often) and with some advice for all gamers out there. 
I am a geek. I was awkward in high school. I was picked on, laughed at, a date was something on the calendar and not something I did on a Friday or Saturday night. I was either hacking, or in computer chat rooms (Diversi-Dial, look it up) or some other mundane activity that didn’t involve a lot of in-the-flesh friends.
I took my share of beatings, gave some back, but mostly took it. It wasn’t till my junior year that I grew to a height that was a bit more intimidating to people, and I was able to live in a relative form of peace. I denied who I was in order to try to fit in, but by the end of the junior year, I threw caution to the wind and became myself.
Suddenly I was dating, I was more confident, more at ease in my skin. It sucked, and yes, I will be the first to admit that the idea of either taking my own life, or the lives of my oppressors, crossed my mind many an occasion.
The difference between me and the fucktard from Montreal is: I didn’t, because I knew this was only a temporary problem, not a lifetime one.
A young person fires a gun, with nearly 100 million PlayStation 2 consoles out there, percentages say that he or she has at least TOUCHED a video game in his or her lifetime. Ergo, the video games did it. It’s the lamest excuse since Ashley Simpson said her acid reflux caused her to lip-sync on “Saturday Night Live”.
ALL of us, at one time or another, have been oppressed by someone, be it a jock or a girl who we were so enamored of that we took a level of psychological abuse normally reserved for battered wives. The difference between us and Mister Montreal, and Misters Columbine and the rest is: We made a choice to fight on and be who we were.
To me, the acts committed by these dim lightbulbs is a coward's ploy -- no different than suicide and an easy way out of a tough situation. Here’s a clue: Life’s tough, deal with it now or deal yourself out.
I’m serious -- this shit has to stop because these cum chuggers are making it harder on the people who HAVE been their friends: Their fellow gamers, or the ones that they hung with on Saturday night when no one else would. Your acts put us into a stereotype that to date we have been unable to refute because every time we get a modicum of respect, one of you goes bug shit and starts shooting people who have nothing to do with your personal problems.
I’ll put this very plainly, to those of you out there with guns, who game, who feel oppressed or that your life is being made tough by people around you and who have these feelings of wanting to hurt those physically who hurt you emotionally, please do one of the following:
Fight back. Even if you take a beating, the fact that you fight back does a hell of a lot more than if you just sit there and cry after they whack you one in the head. Just fight back until a teacher breaks it up or one of you is down. Take your licks, that’s life.
Ignore it. Easier said then done, right? Believe me, I know. Ignoring it tends to lead to fight back, but it’s those occasions when it leads to being left alone that make it worth the effort. “Hey, I’m talking to you.” “Sorry, I didn’t realize shit talked.” The stunned expression on that jock's face was worth the sock to the mouth I took. He got suspended, and he never bothered me again.
Seek help. You have friends who feel the same as you do. You have parents. Hell, even a piece of shit guidance councelor will point you to the name of a shrink who won’t break your budget.
But if after all that you want to wear your long trench coat and go blasting away at your problems, then my last bit of advice is this:
Kill yourself.
That’s right, I typed it. If you can’t do any of the other three above, if you don’t even give any of them a reasonable try, then I don’t want your psychological problems to start fucking up my future video game purchases because you were a coward who couldn’t do anything to try to make your life livable. Leave a note and put the names of your oppressors on it and off yourself.
Life is hard. Suck it up, take your shots, and believe me, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it’s not sunshine bright, but it’ll still be a hell of a lot better than high school or college.
Right the fuck on. Not everyone needs saving. So he gets picked on in school and starts fucking shooting people? What the hell was this nutjob going to do the first time a girl broke his heart? Or he got fired from his job? Or had to deal with any of the other life problems the rest of us deal with every day?
If you can't handle high school, fucking end it, 'cause you aren't going to make it in real life.
There, now I'm riding in the same basket to hell with you, Hawkes.
It's the problem with society coddling every kid and making them feel like they're some goddamn unique little snowflake.
Schools don't give kids a failing grade anymore because they don't want to hurt their widdle feelings.
Teeball games end without a winner or loser because the losing team will have a hurt self-esteem.
Teachers can't dicipline students anymore in schools because of lawsuits.
(Try that with Mrs. Ward back in 1982 when she taped my classmate to his chair and taped his mouth shut because he wouldn't sit down or shut up. He never crossed her ever again.)
Then when kids (who think they're special little snowflakes too) pick on the other kids (as they're wont to do), then poor little Billy's fragile psyche snaps and starts mowing down everyone with Grandpa's arsenal.
If that doesn't happen, then when these little snowflakes get thrust into the real world, they can't handle it because nobody gives a shit how "special" they are.
Did I have a point? Not really....other than saying "hell yeah, Hawkes!"
That's awful, and I think I'm pretty much with you on it.
I resent people who have to fuck society because of their own misery.
Even if you want to KILL YOURSELF, don't use it as an excuse to attack random people, to spread random pain, and to spread more damage to our generation because of your inability to restrain yourself.
So yeah. These be some harsh words.
lmao...
I'm from the uk, we are not allowed to have guns here, well not legal ones.
We rarely have mass shooting by floppy haired teens in the uk.
Maybe the reason these things happen is that almost every american has a gun, and loves to get drunk and shoot things.
Okay I admit the uk football matches are drunken brawls and ,a drunk englishman on holiday ,is almost as dangerous as a loaded 45.
To stay safe in the uk ,Dont go to see football match or go drinking with us.
I personally think your country just need to grow up. Sorry, I know you all have guns and can shoot me, but you will not be allowed to bring them in to the uk :P
If only everyone would jsut stay at home and play video games, instead of trying to be a Gangsta.
Anyway enough from me, ripping on the USA is like picking on sony its just too easy.
Anyone for a game of football.
u mean ballerina ball dante? football is played with pads a helmet and some pigskin.. but i digress. ill say i have to agree with you. i went to a huge football hs. like friday night lights big. and well im a gamer and dont play football. u just gotta learn to deal. casue seriously thats the easy part of life its just hs, and if you can't handle it might as well move to the uk, or as you so eliquently put it, kill yourself.
i'm from U.K too, and let me just say the above does not represent me or the uk O_o
well said hawkes,
and as for depressed ppl wantng to go shoot ppl up?, suppsoe thats just a huge downside of open gun ownership.
(above meaning dantes post)
and football events are n oway as violent and troublesome as they were years ago . . . . (and ur american football is like Rugby only with armour on.. . .pussies :p )
Hate to break it to you, dante, but this fucktard shot people in CANADA. I'm sure many Canadians will be happy to tell you how Canada is NOT the United States. We can discuss your ignorant sterotyping some other time.
For the sake of my blood pressure, and because this is a gaming site, I'll refrain from further comment except to say that I find some commenter's faith in gun control darkly amusing.
Anyway, preach it, Brother Hawkes, and I look forward to your return to Ask A Hawkes.
I agree with Blogkitten, schools and other places try so hard nowadays to keep kids sheltered and "safe". Meanwhile it's just a lousy excuse for parents to leave their kids to the wayside and think the schools will teach them right. Which is bullshit because you're practically required as a parent to prepare your kid for everything that might be thrown at him/her, not to keep from them all the things that are "bad". When I was younger my parents taught me about how violence is the absolute worst route, and also how to avoid it as best as possible. But if I got into a fight, would they flip and look at me like the spawn of satan: no. They would ask me what happened and if it seemed like it was inevitable, they'd lay off on punishment. Just as well, they taught me alot of life skills, but then gave me private time to learn to think on my own. Now I don't know what this crazy fuck's parents were like, but they should at least ask him how his day is going a few times a day. I don't know how much sense that makes but this whole "teen-angst" thing really pisses me off. :P
Okay, while I agree with you, Hawkes, and even moreso with Blogkitten (and not at all with our UK friends), I have to disagree on one point:
High school is NOT easy. High school is a vicious microcosm of the worst that humanity can be. It's a concentration of young adults who are old enough to know how to cause deep psychological and physical pain but who have not matured to the point of having well defined senses of compassion, empathy and restraint.
It's unfortunate that the noble qualities that mitigate our innate "dark side" (Yes, we ALL have a touch of shassenfreude) don't really develop until much later than our dark-side qualities do. But that's how life goes.
Who is to blame? The "unique little snowflake" culture? Or perhaps a generation or two of parents who are determined that Little Billy be "the best" and "the brightest" and "the most successful" kid in the class?
Is it those who tell their children that they are important? Or is it, perhaps, the parents who constantly press their kids to be "competative" and to "crush the competition" through, if not skill, sheer determination, persistence, and yes, aggression?
Welcome to the world desgined by parents who grew up on soap operas like "Dynasty," and "Dallas," who believed that "successful people" act like JR Ewing and Alexis Carrington, and who now watch "Survivor" and "Big Brother" with their kids because they think it's "great family entertainment."
Welcome to the world where these parents think that backstabbing and professional sabbotage isn't "detestable" but "being a saavy businessperson."
Welcome to the world where these parents' employers see a resume with only one or two previous jobs listed (instead of four or five) and don't think to themselves, "This job applicant is loyal to his employer," but rather think the guy's a loser because he didn't job-hop every three years.
Welcome to the world we have made for ourselves.
(And point of trivia: Alexis Carrington's full name was Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan. No kidding...)
(And also for the record: Yes, we have more teen shootings in the US than in the UK, but you Brits pretty much have a lock on 10-year-olds bashing in the skulls of 2-year olds. Wanton violence knows no borders, kids. And otherwise, a condemnation of the United States is pretty cheeky coming from residents of a country whose aristocrasy is mired in centuries of privilege, entitlement and elitism -- exactly the "dark side" qualities behind much of the violence we're talking about. That's why they keep your rich folk in their own schools -- so they can savage each other and not you commoners... Oxford, anyone?)
Very nice Hawkes.
Of course the UK doesn't have that kind of violence. Kids have to sit in a booster seat untill they're 10.
Edie,
Excellent insight, save for one thing: Where did I even imply that High School was easy?
I have to agree with you hawkes. I actually enjoy highschool though. I find it to be the best years with friends, and it's where you form your personality and character for the future. Its also tough I admit. I just had my heart broken by a girl, but I'm keeping my head up and I'm going to keep trucking. Its also where you learn to think before you act. Today I wasn't thinking and after I was told my sixty five sit ups in sixty seconds wouldn't count I told my company commander(I go to a jrotc school) to Fuck off. All in all highschool isn't a bad place.(maybe i shouldnt speak for other people though who might have it tougher). Dante, please tell me what its like since ignorance truely is bliss, and kitten I'm right there with you.
Where do all the UK people get the idea that all Americans own guns? I've heard this multiple times from different people. Just because it's legal to own a gun, doesn't mean we all go hunting for mountain lions on the weekends.
Someone tell me where the idea came from.
Just because weed is legal in Amsterdam, doesn't mean the whole country has the munchies.
"Where do all the UK people get the idea that all Americans own guns? I've heard this multiple times from different people. Just because it's legal to own a gun, doesn't mean we all go hunting for mountain lions on the weekends.
Someone tell me where the idea came from.
Just because weed is legal in Amsterdam, doesn't mean the whole country has the munchies."
Just another stereyotype. Britain is still butthurt, that's all.
firstly well said hawks it needed to be put to paper some where.
but as another english man i think this only happens because of ur stupid godforsaken out of date dumb ass gun laws and ur crazy clique school cultre.
i was a bit of a geek hell im still a geek and i delt with my shit with combination of wit,kicking other guys in the nuts, kicking them when them again and again when they went down. trust me a rep as a psyco geek much better.
o and if u are the fat guy being bullied then u desevre it lose the extra weight america.
pease out
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